On the horizon

It is a Monday morning to a new week. Tomorrow is my 29th birthday. It is the start of another year and this last one has been a great one too. I recall thinking about my birthday last year at eight months pregnant getting ready for a new baby and wondering where my life is heading. We toyed with the idea of moving to Georgia but it was not certain then. Really we just needed to have our new baby before we could figure out our next major life event. So much happened last year and here we are at another birthday and it looks as though this year will be just as eventful. 

Next week is the transfer as long as everything continues to look good, I have a doctors apointment tomorrow for my last ultrasound. I have had between ten to twelve in the last month so to know this might be the last one before the big day is super exciting. I have not yet received my flight details but I should be flying out next Monday and returning Wednesday. 

Two days ago I picked up Addison and tweaked my back so bad. I have to start my prenatal yoga because they do not want me to go to the chiropractor so I need to work on getting things inbalance. Plus my house is a freaking disaster from my cold and now my back I am a hot mess. I am however looking forward to getting out to Las Vegas and enjoying a day alone. Although thinking about being away I almost immediately think of how much I am going to miss my kids. 

I am excited about the upcoming events of this year. I can't believe this is my last year of my twenties. I have had many great things in my life in the last ten years and I look forward to the next ten. 

Bring it on twenty nine. And bring me my ice cream cake! 

Badass Mama

So today was one of those days where I was running around, I had a doctors appointment so the kids had to go to daycare and Addie needed lunch and they were doing an egg hunt. So of course today of all days both kids want to sleep in. So I already feel like I am behind and I am begging small people to find shoes and let me comb their hair and other obnoxious requests said over and over. Finally I get everyone in the car, dropped off at school and then on my way. The traffic here is so similar to NJ but so different than upstate NY. So at 10am I am still fighting my way thru decent traffic. I get to the office and they get me in right away for the blood work. Easy... I have done it at least 15 times this month already so whats another one! The most I had to do was wait for the Ultrasound tech to finish with the lady before me. I get in and the tech says everything looks good, although she is vague because they cannot give me information as I am not their patient.

So I drive back hit up the ATM to pay daycare and grab eggs because I used the last one and was rushing to get to the egg hunt on time. Made it with minutes to spare! Picked up Jackson from his room and went to watch Addie grab some easter eggs. Earlier that morning I didn't feel like eating so I had a bite of a banana but now at 1:30 I was hungry so I stopped at Wendys quick. I knew I had to eat fast because Jackson does not nap well at daycare so I would have a girl excited to eat all the candy and a boy screaming at me because he is ready to sleep. So I got out of the car grabbed the bags brought them in, unbuckled Addie, grabbed the mail, then retrieved tinkerbell from the back of the car, found Jacksons shoe he kicked off and unbuckled him. Finally everyone was in the house, I let the dog out, told Addie a thousand times to wait for me to open her eggs and was getting Jackson some food to hold him over. We opened eggs I took some pictures, Jackson finished eating, I made a bottle and put him to bed. I came downstairs to Addie still playing with a few of the little trinket toys she received and answered some emails.

Addie was giving me a few moments so I was actually able to reply to these emails. The agency I am working with mentioned getting my plane tickets for me and Daniel a few days ago. I told them that Daniel did not plan on coming. Her next email was, Are you going to be okay on your own? and Can you give yourself the shots? Enter BadAss Mama - Hell yea I can go on my own (I mean c'mon a few days of quiet, alone, by myself with no chores to do and real cable?!) and Yes I can do the shots myself (I have to do them for almost three months so yea I have to get over the fact I am giving myself a needle and just do it).

After responding to that email and telling Addie she cannot have anymore candy for the millionth time it made me feel like I was awesome.

All the while my house is a DISASTER, I have had a cold for days and have not done any chores. But in that short moment I felt pretty good about myself.

This process of being a surrogate is no damn joke. It is a job, one that I take very seriously. I am the person who can make someones dream come true. That is a pretty big undertaking. I have been thinking a lot about where my life is going to take me and at the end of the day I just want to be a good person and raise my children to be good people as well.

Family Happenings

We have been back in Georgia for a week now, it feels really good to be home. It feels good to be back to my normal routine, grocery shopping, cleaning and laundry. Its quite humorous that those things make me feel more at home but its the truth.

Jackson has taken his first steps of which I captured and sent to Daniel on video. Then he posted them on FB so if you haven't seen Jackson stepping and mommy squealing go check it out. I am happy and saddened by this. Of course it is amazing to watch him hit his milestones but then I am losing a little part of my baby. It seems like yesterday that Addison was born but she is my big three year old who is so independent and will start pre-school in the fall. Jackson is not far behind, today its first steps, then first words and then college.
..::slight exaggeration maybe::..

This week was a hectic one we got home Monday late afternoon. We unpacked our stuff from the car and ate dinner, showers and bedtime. I had to go to the doctor twice this week and Daniels car would not start Tuesday morning. The car is all fixed now thanks to a mechanic and some hard earned money of course. As for the doctors I have been cleared to start medications. I started with estrogen patches and pills yesterday, we also sent back the signed contract Friday. This surrogate process is getting really real.

I was also given my transfer date of April 7th. That means I will most likely be flying into Las Vegas the night before and patiently waiting for my transfer time. For those who do not know about the IVF process, the embryo is already waiting for me and what the doctor will simply do is transfer the embryo into my uterus for housing. Then we wait two weeks for blood work to see if we have a positive pregnancy. I am very hopeful, I am super diligent with my medications and making sure I am ready. This whole process is so exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. I am excited for the intended parents, I keep flashing to the moment they meet their baby and it brings so much joy to my heart. Now I know we have a long road until we get there and I understand things change on a dime so for today I am making sure my hydration is on point and my meds are taken at the right times.

I took a bunch of pictures from Jacksons birthday but I haven't even uploaded them yet. Mom Fail. Meh they will get done. He knows I love him, I only tell him a hundred times a day.

I have some really cute pictures of both my children I hope to add to the next post and as usual check my instagram @keifferfamily for all the ones I chose to post :)

Until next time, hopefully soon.

All the happenings...

I feel like I come back to writing on here and I look back and think about all the things we havea going on. EVERY TIME. See I get it, life is full and wonderful it just goes at the speed of light. 

We have been living in Georgia for six months now. Even that seems like it went by quickly. We have done a lot to get the house to a good place but as any homeowner knows the list is never done. Even yesterday we received an email about replacing some siding that was noticed by the gutter people. No big deal just $1000-$5000 dollars later. So right now we have good intentions of fixing it. 

The end of 2014 I had to get a new car and about one month after driving it we noticed it was not working just right so looong story short we went the month of January without it. No big deal I was on house arrest with the kids and we went out on the weekends and some weeknights when I just felt like I was being suffocated. 

That brings us to February where we had a really nice Valentines Day. (Saw some snow flurries!) Addison is very fun at this age understanding and remembering holidays and events. We watched a movie and she got a new dress up outfit and a doctor kit. She has been really great at listening to our hearts and giving shots. Maybe there is a little doctor among us?! 

Saturday I received an overnighted package of medications for the surrogacy process. Mind you I have not been given instructions and one piece of feedback I would give is that the communication for this process is somewhat lacking. I never seem to know whats around the corner and it very much is a hurry and wait situation. In this package there were 80 needles. The first one I looked at looked fine but then I noticed an 18 guage, bigger needle and started to fret. I have joined some groups on Facebook for other surrogates and I am getting quite the education. I learned the larger ones are not for my backside, which made me happy. I have to go get bloodwork taken this morning and hope to hear from the agency shortly so I can get in the car and hop over there. Then again on Friday and once more next week. They are testing the hormones in my blood and will instruct me per the results on what medications I am to take next. We did finish the contracts last week, they so far are my least favorite part of this journey but I have yet to stab my butt with a needle, so we will see. 

Weare heading up to Rochester in about two weeks. I am looking forward to it. My heart really misses some people and I just want to hug them. We will also be throwing a party for Jackson to celebrate his first birthday with all of our friends and family. It will be a month early but as you know babies change SO quickly and its been months since everyone has seen him. It will be a car theme and I have some things up my sleeve but it will be the day after we arrive so I cannot go too crazy. Poor second baby. 

Jackson is such a love though, he has two bottom teeth and his top two are just making an apperance. He also has been sleeping through the night until about 6am for the last three weeks. It is really nice to get a fill nights sleep, especially when I do not mind doing to bed at ten or prior. 

This week is going to be a busy one, doctor today and Friday, story time tomorrow and Jackson has a magazine photo shoot on wednesday. Did you see how I snuck that in?! Make sure to check my instagtram this week for more info. 

I am going to be a gestational surrogate

My life is very much a spiritual one. I am constantly reminded almost daily that there are forces beyond my control. Within my life there are paths that I have chosen which have taught me so much about myself and others. Currently I am heading down the path of becoming a gestational surrogate. In short I am going to carry a baby for another couple, I will have no biological ties to this baby but rather have the honor and privilege of creating a family and bringing a new soul into the world.

I am sure you are all interested in the process so I will do my best to explain what we have done thus far. In the summer of 2014 after we had decided we were moving to Georgia I started looking for career opportunities and noticed there was an abundance of people actively searching for surrogates. I was about three months post partum and started to discuss this possibility with Daniel. We sat on it for a few weeks bringing it up now and then, really trying to think about how it would effect our lives and we were still very positive about it. I completed the initial questionnaire and it has been a pretty fast paced journey since then. We have had to have many conversations with the agency, we have had to have the tough conversations about what to do if something went wrong with the baby(s). We were in the midst of moving so we knew it would be something we had to wait a little bit for but that we could do the preliminary stuff beforehand.

Shortly after moving here we had our home visit. Our case worker through the agency came to our home and we talked, she saw where we lived and met our children. At that point Jackson was not yet 6 months old. The agencies policy is that you have to be six months post partum to even begin to put your body through the process. After having the home visit and the agency speaking to our references, we were matched. The agency had a couple in mind for us and after the couple received our family information we received theirs and next was a Skype call. The call went really well, I was nervous to meet them and was hoping we would click and I believe we did!  From my research being matched with someone or a couple is one of the bigger decisions in this process because you are going to travel this bumpy road with them and will have a connection for your life.

Currently we are in the contracts phase. I should be hearing from the lawyers shortly and then I will meet with a lawyer in our area. From there I will begin taking medications to get my body ready for the IVF. As much as this is physical it is also business.

This is a decision that effects the whole family and from the very beginning everyone puts heavy emphasis on your support system. I am so blessed to have a very strong support system. I know that for many of you this is the first you have heard about this and I am sure you will have questions along the way. At the end of the day I am able to give the gift of life. For that I am so very thankful. I look forward to sharing this journey with you as well.

You get ten minutes, go fast.

You know I think about things to write about, often, but the times that I have to sit uninterrupted are so short even after bedtime. Really because bedtime is when we all go down, ha! We are halfway through January and today my baby is 9 months old! I blinked and it happened. We had his checkup today and he is tall and a little thinner with a nice big brain. He is just such a love, I seriously must kiss him a thousand times a day. He is starting to get into a routine for the most part. 

I have been looking into preschool for Ms. Addie. She is just so ready. She talks about school all the time and when the bus comes at 7:45 each morning (if she is awake) she talks about getting on it or the type of backpack and lunch sack she will have. So its time. I am supposed to go look at one tomorrow but I may have to reschedule. 

Things are going well, ya know there is the same crappy life things that come and stress up your day but we are all good. Healthy, happy and starting the year off well. Addison and Jackson are playing more and more and it is SO adorable. She gets him to laugh and blows raspberrys on his belly. I love them. a lot. 

Speaking of love, I am loving this southern winter. It is definitely colder so I get the season which is nice. I also am able to go outside and I don't freeze my butt off. The lack of snow is cool too. For now I don't miss it. 

Well that concludes my ten minutes of random thoughts and eating cottage cheese with veggie chips because a small boy is now screaming. Great. 

So there you have it, Addison is three with sass for days, Jackson is 9 months and Dan and I are doing well. 

oh yea, happy new year. 

Addies Third Birthday - Day

I have found a quiet minute where I can't do much else so I feel like its a great time to get some thoughts out. This poor little blog space, I swear I will give it some more attention. 

We pick up my new used car on Thursday when I am back in town. My head seriously is spinning. This past week was bananas. I mean it seems like every week is crazy cray. I now realize why people retire, if I am doing this #*^% for years and year and years I am going to need a few years of sitting. 

Last week was Addies third birthday, I tried to post a bunch of pictures on Instagram and facebook to keep everyone in the loop. We had an amazing day, it was one of the best. I always knew birthdays were special and even when Daniel and I were dating I would make a big deal of both of our birthdays but having given birth it takes on a whole new meaning. I can so easily be brought back to the day, the minute she was brought into the world. I know all the details, they are engrained in my mind. 

We asked Addie what she wanted for her birthday and her response for weeks was that she just wanted pink cupcakes. Uh sure. I am not pushing the issue because I know in a few short years it will be a laundry list of items so for now I am embracing her simple requests. There were a few things up our sleeves for her day, most importantly was her My Little Pony quilt we were making. It had taken Dan about ten days to sew the front and a handful of days afterwards for the two of us to tie the blanket squares. All in all its a great blanket and she loves it. It is very heavy so she can't throw it around like her smaller ones but now she has a big kid blanket. The ponies she can rattle off their names are surrounded by pink glitter fabric. I look forward to her loving on this blanket for years and years. We decided to give her a few presents spread througout the day and it was wonderful. I want to do that every year. Daniel took the day off of work and we snuggled on the couch under her new blanket and watched Up. It is such a cute movie but gosh darn I forgot about the first ten minutes. Cry fest much. After the movie wrapped up she opened another gift, her My Little Pony shoes, those were a big hit too. Girl loves those ponies. Then we went bowling. She really liked it once she got the hang of it. Daniel and I were close but he ended up winning, he told me I was cheating because of the bumpers. Just wish I could have used those bumpers for another few pins and I would have been the winner. 

After bowling we came home to make cupcakes in ice cream cones and had a pasta dinner. It was just a great day one for the record books. I loved celebrating her, I have loved having a day all about her since the day she entered our life. 

Right before bed we let her open her last present for the day and she got some new Doc McStuffins jammies. If we could buy her the world we would. Needless to say after a very eventful day she cozied up under her balnket and fell asleep. 

I tell her all the time to stop growing and she tells me how smart she is and how she has to keep growing. This little girl of mine is so freaking amazing. She grows and learns daily. I am SO beyond thankful that I have these days with her. She will be starting preschool next year and then my time with her will be less and less. Right now its just the three of us and I love it. It is worth more than any amount of money.