Swirling Emotions

I am sitting here, alone. When I have a quiet moment I realize the swirling of emotions running thru me. Sadness is the top one right now, well that and hunger. Anxiousness is a close second with excitement following. This whole process throws you in so many directions emotionally there are some days I can't believe I have my wits. I mean my life just got flipped around again just three short months ago.

I do have to attest to finding strength in my partner. This move is something we have talked about for some time now, this was not just an overnight decision. We talk about everything. Its really an amazing thing. Its the air bag that catches you before you feel like your going to hit the ground. We go back and forth on who has to be the rock that day. More recently there are days when we both need it and I think thats when you just learn to work together and get the job done.

Jackson is amazing. Ahh that little boy, steals my heart some days. He is three months old now and leaving the newborn stage behind. He is alert and funny. He loves to smile back at me, with his big gummy smile. He has been grumpy the last week, its probably a million things as to why but give it another week or so and he will change.

Funny how I am acting with this baby. I just really love each stage for where its at. I know it is so short lived. Having Jackson, we are just more in the moment. I can't say that we were not with Addison, uh please. I have a picture of her almost every day on her life! But moreso in that I know whats coming, I have seen it first hand and know it goes so quickly.

Addison is OH SO AMAZING. This girl, I mean, I can't. What! How did she get to be a person, with thoughts and decisions of her own. She is no longer a toddler, babbling about. She is two and a half, she will tell you herself.  She's strong willed and beautiful. I catch myself staring at her, I am in awe of her. She is so big, her hair is so curly and snarly. Her eyelashes are dark and long and her eyes. They pull me in. When we stare into each others eyes I always tell her how beautiful they are, they have changed over the last six months. They are a green/hazel, perfect mix of Daniels and mine. There are days she says and does things that just make me so proud. She is still amazing with her brother, and my little lunch date, workout partner and mini-me.

Then I think about how all that really matters is us. That I can love this little growing family of mine anywhere. Sure I will miss my dear friends. Those who have lasted thru the shaking of life, the ones who have hung on, and the ones who own a piece of my heart. And there lies my sadness.

Dear Lord I am thankful, help us through this process

I am so thankful for the people in my life, serious. I don't know what I would do. I have a wicked headache right now. It could be the heat or it could be the housing situation. It could be that my baby was screaming before he finally fell asleep. It could be that I have cried more in the last week then I have since having Jackson. 

There are so many things I believe in, being a good person and trusting in my journey here. This process is pushing every boundary. I have so much to offer and I hope that when we get to our new home I hope that someone sees that as well. I am so freaking nervous about how things will work out. Its taking a toll of the both of us. Sleeping has been less and less the last week. This shit is so emotional. This house has brought so many good things to us. We recieved an offer on the house last night, so we are going thru the process in which it will no longer be ours. Its sad. We have put so much work, sweat and tears into this home. It will forever have a special place in my heart. Its charming and something that we have morphed from a dingy house to a warm inviting home. 

But our next chapter is beginning. It has some really great perks. The house we will get will be bigger and a house that we will really raise our children in. We will dig our heels in and grow roots. We won't have to deal with so much snow and cold weather. 

I tell my girl all the time how strong she is, I am telling myself the same thing. 

This is just crazy. Cray cray.