We've got a mover and a shaker!

Ahh today was great, we got to see our baby again. We had our 1st trimester screening for downs syndrome and its an ultrasound. We got to sit and watch our baby for a half an hour. We saw the baby twirling and flipping and swimming all around. I loved it. It was amazing. There was a slight apprehension because who knows, there could be something really wrong but as soon as the baby popped on the screen I saw the little heart flicker and I fell in love again.

Its funny cause each of the pictures are all different, that baby was moving so much. It was amazing. It is so crazy to sit here all day and know that bambino is moving all around, I can't feel it yet but I know soon I will start to feel him or her.

It just sinks in that much more. Not that I forget but I focus more on how I am feeling, rather than the amazing wonders that are going on in my belly. Watching the little hands move all over and the little lips I will smooching opening and closing. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh it was amazing.

There is some slight smudges on my heart from all my other lost babies... it's a realization that this is my third pregnancy. Its bitter sweet, but we are so thankful... so thankful. What a miracle. It's swimming in my belly. I am hoping within the next month I start to feel the flutters. For now I am just so glad I got to peek inside and see our baby so happy and healthy in my womb.

So we put the crib together to start figuring out how we are going to put the room together. It has been in black trash bags since last summer and it was time to start unpacking. I leave the door open so I can walk by and see the crib in there. 6 more months till we will have our little wiggle worm in our arms. I am so beyond excited. I am starting to feel better which will be good, there is lots of housework I need to do. This weekend is a nice long one so hopefully I can paint the hallway and we can work on some house stuff.

Another Week...

We are closing out another week, I have seen more good days this week than I have in the last 6. Which is great. My eating is getting back to normal, and although I am still getting sick it is not nearly as bad. The horrific stomach pains and constant vomitting seems to be passing. Now it is either first thing in the morning, last thing at night or nothing all day. I am still really sensitive to smells so if I smell something that may seem normal it can send me straight to the bathroom. Even now as I write this I ate a half a bagel this morning and it feels like it is just not settling. Maybe I spoke too soon...

This week at work has been pretty hectic, one girl is on vacation and it is just the two of us right now. So I am pulling double duty, when have I ever not given it my all though. It seems like my life is just one big crazy fest. I can never just be doing one thing. Even from college it was never just one event, it was multiple, it was never one job its always been more.

I am getting so ready to do things around our house for our new arrival. We have a few big projects left and some little things. Before the bambino (or bambina) arrives I would like to:

1. Paint the Hallway
2. Finish the front Hall
3. Get the frames set up on the stairs
4. Pave the driveway
5. Get my attic to a place where I can use it as my studio
6. Obvi get the nursery together
7. Get window coverings for the hall stairs and our bedrom
8. Buy the freakin $30 rug for the upstairs hallway
9. Fix some of the doors
10. Figure out the baby closet situation
11. Pay off the damn credit cards (as much as possible)

I think it is a pretty manageable list. I am sure there will be more things added along the way but for now that's what I can think of.

Hopefully this weekend I can paint the hallway. Which isn't that big, I bought the paint about a month ago. I just have had zero to no energy to paint after work. This weekend is busy and as the nice weather approachs this is what always happens. Its nice and we get really busy! But silver lining, come the winter we will have a BABY!!!!

Oh also another crazy idea, I slightly have a secret urge to be like the people on the extreme couponing. Maybe i won't be extreme but I need to coupon, I know this little bundle of joy will be an added expense that we are happily accepting but anywhere I can pinch a penny nowadays I will. I hope to have a stockpile of baby laundry detergent and cleaning supplies. Hehe. Oh Daniel, I see a need for some custom shelves :)

As I finished writing this this song came on Pandora, um PERFECT! ... it's gunna take money! A whole lot of spending money, to do it right child! Its gunna take time a whole lot of precious time, to do it right!...

Wishes

Over the last year and a half, Dan and I have wished for our baby everywhere. Every eyelash, every birthday candle has been wishing for our baby. There was a point where I felt hopeless, and when we weren't looking we were blessed. A few weeks ago we had our annual cinco de mayo party and our neighbors from down the street stopped over. We met them when we first moved in and see them in passing every now and again. When they came over they gave us Wish Lanterns, which are the COOLEST things ever. Seriously!
This last week Dan wanted to light one off to make another wish. There are just times when he is so sweet and says all the right things. Other times not so much but more often then not he is amazing. We went outside and were testing this out and as it lifts out of his hands, he wished for a healthy and happy baby. Its so nice to be able to wish for that and be closer than we ever have been before. We have hit week 10, we are 1/4 of the way thru with our pregnancy. I am so excited to bring a little life into this world. Beyond excited.

It is nice to feel the rainbow on the other side. It has been so emotionally draining, I have never felt loss like that before. As Dan would say when we get to hold our baby this will all be worth it.

So here is another wish I place into the universes hands, I wish to continue to have the wonderful life I have today with the best partner and husband, to hold and love our baby till I cannot anymore and to be continually blessed even if the road seems difficult.

Brains are a workin!

It's a gloomy saturday here in Rochester. The lilac fest is going but its kinda rainy and cold outside. Dan and I are proctoring a nicet exam to make a little money and as I sit here watching twenty people take a test I can't help but think. Their brains are working so hard, they are doing complex problem solving. All the while the mush of my brain is just trying to stay awake. The coolest thing about watching all these people is the fact that I am growing a little baby brain. It is quite amazing to think that this little baby will be thinking and formulating it's own thoughts soon enough. I will be the worried, proud mom that wishes him or her good luck, and writes a note of encouragement in their lunch.

Sometimes it is so amazing I just can't believe it. There is this wonderful website I saw on a blog http://www.ehd.org/prenatal-images-index.php if you dont want to see pictures of babies in-utero growing then don't click on it. But if you want to see life forming at different stages it is pretty cool. I think the human body is amazing anyway, just the way we function our cognitive abilities and the way we can break but heal so quickly is mind blowing. Anytime I can I always pick my grand littles brain for what she is doing in school, she is going for nursing but she is pretty much a doctor. I love her stories I just cant see myself being in school for a million years so I love thru her :)


There are days I still think it may not be growing right or that I may miscarry again but then I get sick and feel my belly stretching so uncomfortably. It's this crappy uncomfortableness that is slightly reassuring, I know that it's still there. Everyday is a little closer to the second trimester and hopefully all these yucky symptoms will go away. For now I just think about the little life I am nourishing and that I will enjoy my summer all preggo but feeling good.

Its Growing!!!!

Well the days are just ticking away and I am so okay with that. I have felt for the past week or so now a little something when I lay on my stomach at night. Nothing major just a slight discomfort, like there is a wad of fabric pressing on my stomach. But yesterday, my stomach all day felt like it was stretching and cramping all day. When I got home, Daniel was SO FREAKIN WONDERFUL, helping to make my garden beautiful, he so kindly asked if I could get changed and help. Of course I jumped at the offer... HA. Actually I think my words were "I will give you all the energy I have, I have had nothing to eat all day except for a handful of pretzels and I have puked 3 times so far, but sure lovie."

When I got upstairs to change I took my dress off and noticed my stomach had a very round shape to it, it totally freaked me out because it literally came out of nowhere. I was poking around and the sides were hard. So crazy! I am sure its not all baby there is some bloat in there. I have gone down a few pounds in the last few weeks due to lack of eating and constant vomiting. But Holy Cow, our baby is growing and making its home for the next 7 months. How exciting!

Belly pictures to come, we will probably start this Sunday. The start of Week 10 :)

Another exciting note for the Keiffer Family, we got to welcome Peyton into the world! Congrats to Kristen and Chuck!

Week 9!

Well Hello Week 9, glad to finally meet you, you seem to have been avoiding me but I am glad we can put aside our issues.

YES!!! We made it to week 9, now that is an accomplishment. So far things have been good with the pregnancy, I have experienced a few of the hormonal changes already which I am sure the Husband just adores. Well you all know that I have to morning sickness bug, thank you very much mother nature for making that a symptom. The car ride back from NJ was no easy feat, I literally was doubled over at times and could feel the contents of my stomach rising with each construction road bump. Needless to say, I was a rock star and made it all the way home before fertilizing the lawn with Farfalle and Shrimp. The stomach issues are by far the worst, its either nausea or vomiting ALL DAY LONG. Because of this I don't eat or I feel like a bird picking at things just to try to find something I can eat. I have a 12 pack of Ginger Ale and saltines on my desk. I am hoping that we have another 4 weeks and then this will all go away. Poor Daniel had to deal with me in the car for 5 hours yesterday, while I was trying to focus on keeping my lunch down. I didn't talk the whole way. I hope to not take another car trip until I am safely in the second trimester.

I also have a very short fuse at times. Oh me! Never! I am such a lady. Haha. Oh dear, I just get so annoyed I freak out. You don't believe me, I have a few examples. 1. Erin my dear 15 year old sister who is a doll, kept looking at my dog in NJ and talking about eating and how she might be hungry. Earlier in the day we told her Stella eats twice a day and she knows what you are talking about when you say "eat", an hour later she starts at it again and I just looked at her and was super snippy telling her to knock it off. Really its not a huge deal but it just bugs me. Dan's conclusion is I don't like when people harp on things, I get bothered easy.

I now also understand why they burned their bras in the 70's, they are so un-fun to wear when your girls are throbbing. I found these stretchy tube top bra things that are amazing. Comfy and not too much, just right!

The total exhaustion is still there. I told Dan earlier that I need to take it easy, the past two weekends were packed and I don't have enough energy to get thru the day. I look forward to 6pm when its me and the couch.

I am not sure where the headaches are coming from but I don't normally get them and they are lingering. It may be the lack of food or the exhaustion or the vomiting, who knows but they are there.

Other than that, I feel like I am baking a baby. Our little Christmas baby :) I wonder if this is how the Virgin Mary felt right now? She might have been an exception to all the symptoms, she was pretty special.

Happy Mother's Day

As I got to take in my first Mother's Day as a Mother-to-be I took a few minutes to think about what makes a mother. I feel like it is not just holding my baby its knowing that every breathe I take nourishes the little growing baby inside of me. That every sick feeling and mood swing is because my body is not just mine anymore. We have begged and pleaded for these moments for the last year and I will gladly take them all. Its the love that I have to give that makes me a mother, not only to the baby that is growing right now but the other two that I was blessed with. I found this poem online that made this crazy hormonal lady shed a tear.

I thought of you and closed my eyes. And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a mother and I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby. This we know is true.
But God, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied with confidence in His voice.
I give many women babies. When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this. God, I want my baby here.
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you what your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons of life and love and fear.
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much, I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much, but I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
'Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are okay.
Your babies are here in MY home and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother— It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother, until their time is done.
They'll be up here with ME one day, and know you're the best one




A very special thanks to Laura, Matt Cleckner, Kristen Keiffer, Jamie, Mel, Andrea & Francheska, for thinking of me and sending well wishes.

Hello Toilet Bowl

So it has arrived, I had my first run in with the toilet this morning. I have been extremely nauseous for a few weeks but I have had yet to actually get sick. I was packing for our weekend in NJ and it just hit me. I ran to the bathroom and kissed my toilet. Its a good thing I like that room and I just cleaned the bathroom. Its somewhat comforting to know that the bathroom is all new and all mine. It has been the easiest room to decorate because of the style and colors so if I have to spend a lot of time in it I guess its not as bad as it could be. Plus there is plenty of room on the floor to have a makeshift living room. I could have some pillows and magazines, everyone will want to hang out with me.


Poor Stella had no idea what was going on. She just watched so intently and then came into the bathroom to make sure I was okay. She is so precious, she knows there is something going on but I don't think she has it all figured out. She gave me the head turned look the whole time. This is all new to her too.

I can't seem to get much down. I am going to head to the store down the road in a few minutes and get some ginger ale and saltines. I just feel like garbage, amazing what this little tiny being is doing to my insides already.

Cinco De Mayo

Margaritas!! Well virgin ones for me :)

It has definitely started to really sink in that in a few short months we will be adding to our family. We are just so beyond excited. I have become accustomed to the sluggishness and pure exhaustion. I am thankful for each day that goes by, work is good, its busy but it makes the days go quickly. I would love for the sun to shine soon though. The Rochester weather is pretty awful, its the main reason I would leave here. I love the Sun and Rochester has something against it.

I am however waiting for the fear to subside a little, I remember when we first got Stella and for the first month or two I always got nervous when she slept too long or was walking funny. Our dog growing up died of seizures and I remember her movements that would mean a seizure was coming and how she acted afterwards. Stella would be so little and sleeping, she would twitch and I would have a fit. I even made Dan wake her up one time to make sure she was lucid. I feel like these next few weeks will be the same thing. Not that I am expecting to see anything bad it has just happened twice before and I know it comes without notice so I subconsciously think the worst whenever I feel anything.

We are headed to NJ tomorrow for Morgans Communion. So crazy, I was talking with Dan last night if he remembered his own. It feels like it was just me and like she was just born. Time goes by so quickly.

So we are having a baby!

Geez of all the fear and anxiety we have had it has finally come to life. Literally. I can't tll you the relief. When she showed us I saw the heart flicker and I cried. I have seen this woman two other times each resulting in bad news and finally we have a baby. I am still I'm shock but I am so ready. We both are. What a relief what a christmas present. Our estimated due date is 12/12/11. We are having a baby this year, I just can't believe all this has turned into our dream. What a messed up road we had to go down to get here but there is our rainbow, we get to hold our baby and watch it grow.

I feel good, I can definitely feel a bump there. I am tired and nauseous but it's all good. I will be sick everyday to have our baby. It's slightly uncomfortable to sleep on my belly and I wake up every few hours. I was cracking jokes with the doctor and she was so excited for us, we all were not expecting this this month but it is so welcomed.


I think Daniel is a little excited: Daniel Keiffer For a few minutes the fear of the unknown, financial obligations, worry of developmental abnormalities, pending loss of "freedom", immense obligations all fade and give way to an intense feeling of happiness and an overwhelming sense of something bigger than you. The miracle of life takes the form of a tiny little heartbeat in the womb of the love of my life. I could get drunk on that sound for the rest of my life.

Here we go! Yesssssssss!

Tomorrow is the Big Day

Ugh. Tomorrow. I am so torn about it, I am anxious really. Dan asked if I was excited yesterday but I am not. I am just waiting to get there. I just hope everything is okay. I remember 9 months ago getting ready for our first ultra sound and Dan was so excited. The tech looks at me and said its all gone, there is nothing in there. It just seems to be on replay in my brain, I know so far things have been good. No blood or other bad symptoms, just sick feelings and sleepiness. Which is good, I want to be happy about it, I do, I am just nervous at the same time. I would expect anyone else to feel this same way so I just have to get to this time tomorrow.



If its in there and doing good its about this big: