Birth Story Part One - She is coming

So that I can relive the most wonderful day of my life over and over whenever I want here is Addison's Birth Story.

December 1st - the month that we will be having our baby has finally arrived. We also had a pretty important doctors appointment that day. We were having an ultrasound to take a guess at her size and figure out what our next steps were. I had been to the doctor that Monday and the doctor told me she guessed her to be around 8.5 - 9 pounds already, I knew I was 1.5 cm dialated and that hadn't changed much in the last few weeks. With the gestational diabetes the doctors had been concerned for some time about me being able to deliver her safely. Of course that was not at all what I wanted to hear and the talk of c-sections just made me so upset and feel so defeated. I should have known that nothing about this journey has been according to plan. Hubs came with me that day and the ultrasound tech measured her to be 9 pounds 11 ounces already, past the point in which they still consider vaginal deliveries. We knew even before the doctor told us what our fate would be but it still stung a little when the doctor made the announcement. She took one look at the chart and we all knew what the plan was to be. Obviously I wanted her to get here as safe as possible so we scheduled the c-section. I kept my cool until the doctor left to check the schedule for my doctor, when she came back I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and cried about it. Everyone kept reminding me its all about meeting her and how wonderful its going to be and yes that was the cherry of the day but I so wanted to birth her the way I had imagined for months.

Needless to say we scheduled it for a week later, December 8th at 8:30 am.

The days that followed were surreal, there was definitely a peace in our house knowing the end was scheduled. We did not worry about the possibilities and we mentally prepared. Which is so weird to do but thats what we had to look forward to. I worked up until the Wednesday and I just remember everyone asking me "Why", and I just kept saying what am I going to do at home by myself? Seriously, sit there and wait. Nah. So I worked. It was hard to drive with my seat back and my hand just reaching the top of the steering wheel but it was not impossible. It was a little harder to sit at my desk at work, my belly was just so big. But I went in told everyone the news and we all just waited.

At home we just told each other a million times that we were days away from having a baby. I think we both needed to say a few hundred times to actually believe it, it was the pinch me kind of news. It felt like Christmas was coming, well it was but the biggest most amazing Christmas with every present you every wished your absolute whole heart for. The present you have been thinking and dreaming about for months on end, the one you begged and begged for. We also found each other just smiling every now and again at the thought. We were all ready it seemed like, we finished decorating the tree and rented a few movies and had a Just Us Weekend, ran some errands and then it was the night before.


And the photo documentation of the morning she was born. I had barely slept for days and we both were up around 5 and out the door at 6:15am.

Yep getting ready to go. 

My last weekly picture. 

Are you ready to go?

Soon to be Dad. 

Our Christmas Tree beautifully decorated for our baby. 

One last text to let everyone know we were heading out. 

Then the whirlwind began... 

I know she is 7 weeks old and I am just getting to this but hey new mom here!

Back to life, Back to Reality & Pics

I totally understand that song now. Ha. I have been preparing for my work debut for the last week or so and I am ready. I went into the office last week with the baby and I worked this week on just getting stuff back in order. My house is coming together, the baby is good and I am ready. I started crossing things off my list again which is a good feeling. It will be nice to have a schedule again and some time to be a grown up. Plus the paycheck will be nice.

We have been busy the last week, we met my parents in Binghamton for a day trip. It was nice, great to see everyone and for everyone to see the baby.

Auntie Momo is getting so big. I remember when she was this little. It has gone by so fast!

We got the mobile set up because she has started looking at the one on the swing that doesn't move. This was a hand-me-down from my parents and she loves it.

 Stella was trying to figure out the beeping. And you can see a good part of her room, we brought the chair up this past week too. We moved the swing up here around week 3 or 4 and I was trying to get her to learn to nap. She got it down and now I can put her in it for a nap and get some work done. Because I go back to work next week and I will be working from home a few days so I need to make sure I can get things done. I had to take this picture because there will be a day I look back and think of how crazy it was having a newborn and how in love we both were. And how Daddy has a beard (which is new so its still weird for everyone to see, I don't mind it and he hasn't shaved since he stayed home with us week 2) and good thing there is not smell-o-vision because my outfit could walk, I have worn it almost every day. Its a zip up which is convenient for nursing and has pockets and my pants aren't tight and have pockets too.

Oh the good ol' days -

er-

These are today's days.

Swoon.

Then we went over to Kristi and Coopers house to take some pictures this week. I also got in on the action. Of course Mommy needs some love too.

Love. I still makes my heart skip a beat to look at her. We made her. 

They were so cute together. 

They were both due on the same day. Addie has some height on him though. 

So everyone thinks she looks like me and her eyes are getting lighter. 

Alright well this post took me all afternoon to write, well I had to touch up photos too so its all good. Here's to the weekend, I am going to work on some pintrest creations and maybe put away some maternity clothes. - Maybe -

6 weeks and photos!

This way to the gun show.

I had my check up yesterday and am healing quite nicely. My incision is healed, it is still red but the doctor said that will go away with time. I have had a few issues that have popped up so I asked about them: my wrist, about two weeks before she was born my wrist started to bug me, nothing major, really dull ache. I know it was my carpel tunnel nerve and I heard it can act up during pregnancy. Well no one told me it would get much worse AFTER. Hmm. I am now wearing a brace on my left hand and its hard to pick up the baby with my left hand. Awesome. 

I have also been experiencing some nerve issues with my foot. When I bend my left foot to the right I get a shooting pain starting from my third toe to my ankle. It is a very specific area and I noticed a few days ago that I have been itching the bottom of that toe often without really realizing. 

The doctor said these types of things will get worse before they get better but that I will need to see my primary care dr. if they don't go away in another month. 

I also have a completely new body and it took a little getting used to. I didn't really get a good look at all my new stretch marks until a week after birth. I cried. Yep. Being pregnant I was the most confident I have been in my body in years. From the start of our journey and with each miscarriage I gained, some hormonal and some emotional eating attributed to that and the depression cherry on top probably didn't help. So when I was really pregnant and stuck out like crazy I embraced it and showed it off. I wore tops that accentuated the positive, now I am left with a deflated balloon that was over-inflated. My skin sags, it hangs, my stretch marks are deep and dark and ALL over. I remember seeing the first one, and towards the end anything under my belly button was unseen so I didn't even know! My baby was almost ten pounds and my body stretched bad. I know I have to embrace it because its worth having her. Plus my husband is super supportive. I haven't even tried pre-maternity pants yet and I am just plain not ready. I still like that the panel hides the majority of my stretch marks and it holds the extra skin I have. The doctor said it will be a good six months of healing, its all part of the journey that I prayed and wished so hard for. 

So for now, I will wear my muumuus (yes I own them and they are great), maternity pants and work on being the best mom I can be. 

Small Photo Dump:

we made a foot print ornament for next year.

The new Frontier... Mommyhood

Today has been a good day, the first few weeks were really hard. She wasn't sleeping much at all and the whole milk/breastfeeding issues as well as just trying to heal myself. Its been an adjustment to be a mom and I really love it. Its everything and more than I had envisioned for so long. I go to the doctor tomorrow for my 6 week check up, my body feels good. I have been pushing it a little more because I believe I am going to be cleared to go back to normal activity. Yesterday was the first day I picked her up in her carrier and today I pushed a vacuum across our really REALLY dirty carpet, that also felt good.

The babe is starting to have somewhat of a pattern in her day and I have embraced the baby wearing which I think is so cute and she seems to really like it. She also likes to sleep on her belly and I laid her in her crib today, also another first. I feel like we are entering a new frontier. It sounds so cliche but its amazing.

I go back to work two weeks from Wednesday. I am ready. As much as I love being with her everyday I miss the paycheck first and foremost. I also miss the way my brain works and using the knowledge I have. I am trying to work from home Tuesdays and Thursdays and she will be with the sitter Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. I feel comfortable with the sitter and know she will love Addie and teach her just like I would. Its going to be hard but I have to.

There will be hard days and days that are just really good and I can see lots of good days in the future. I will look past the clutter and focus on the cuddles.

I like him still

Alright get out your kleenex this is a sappy love post...

This last month has been life changing and I could not have asked for a better partner to build a family with. When I was pregnant I couldn't wrap my arms around him and actually get close, I missed that. And now that I have that back I am really happy.

He has been a great help. This is all new to him and he really has been making an effort to pitch in. He even wore the baby bjorn to wegmans the other night so I could have a break. :)

Even when I am grumpy and tired and being a post-partum mess he still loves me.

New years - a new year

A year that I won't be pregnant. It is finally sinking in, this whole experience. I love that I am starting this year with a new addition to our family. My goal for the year is to be the best me, best mom, best wife and make the best of my career. I have a really hopeful attitude for this year and I am so excited to be a mom.  We have wanted this for so long and its finally here.

I just want to be the best at what I do, or try to do my best.

We rang in the year the three of us and stella, in the home we have created for her. I couldn't be more proud and more in love with my family than this moment.

Happy 2012, here's to a very exciting year!

Figuring this whole thing out

My baby seems to be a lot like everyone elses baby when it comes to sleep. I have been doing some reading (in my spare time) in regards to newborns sleeping. I have to teach my baby how to sleep because when she is tired she won't sleep and then wails. This is not good for either of us. But I have read some helpful articles and have been trying some new techniques to help both of us. I was starting to get a little overwhelmed with the fact that my baby didn't sleep and I needed to hold her all the time. So once we conquer this mountain I will have a little more sanity.

I have been doing all that I wrote about before but really sticking to it. We woke up this morning and she was bright eyed so we played and then she wanted to eat so I nursed and then I noticed her little eyes getting heavy. I made a bee-line for her bedroom and started the swing and the music and nursed her some more. So far we have been in her room for 45 minutes I put her down once and ten minutes later she cried - after I nursed and held for 20ish minutes. So I picked her up and nursed a little then just held her for another 15 minutes and she was in REM sleep and I put her in the swing. Now I just wait to see how long I get! She seems to be doing good and I don't think she has moved much.
It really is amazing how her brain is wired and why babies do what they do. From what I have read you really just need to get into routines and habits so they learn. I am literally teaching her how to sleep.

Hopefully though getting her to nap during the day will result in a happier baby and a happier mommy.

And before I press my luck too much on this damn computer with a sleeping baby I am going to change (the afternoon nap will be from walking around outside, the sun is shining and I am feeling cooped up) and get some food in my belly.

Happy One Month Addison (yesterday) Pics to come.

Go the F*** to sleep

Seriously, my baby doesn't like to sleep far from me, which I totally get but that sometimes leaves a very cranky mommy. For example, last night her last feeding was around midnight and we were up again at 2 then at 5:30 and at 5:30 she was screaming. I went downstairs with her and after about an hour got her to sleep again. There have been a handful of times in which she has slept longer stretches during the day but for her sanity as well as my own I need her to sleep.

I stumbled upon this as I did some research on sleeping techniques. She loved the swing a few weeks ago but now it doesn't do much for her. I need this to work for me, so right now she is in the swing, in her room, swaddled nice and tight, with a pacifier, the sleep sheep is blasted, and my bra is under her head. Its been about 5 minutes since the last scream.

Dear Lord,

Please let my really sleepy baby sleep.

Thanks bunches,

Me

Baby girl is a month old tomorrow and I am starting to head back to reality. Its been a few weeks that are one big blur and I need to start to recognize the days again.

Just a few pics from last weekend, once I get her to a good sleep I will be sure to take more pictures of her studio style, we are working on it.

50 degree weather in January

Results in our first walk outside. It was wonderful, the babe wore a cute outfit, put on some bronzer and tried to put on mascara but she started crying and she loved the baby bjorn. Great day! I also feel like we are all syncing together as a nice little family.

We started a nightime routine also. I think we are all getting the hang of it, we are learning her cries and we are learning to have her sleeping not in our arms and breatfeeding seems to be going well. There have been some challenges within our first few weeks but its going well.

The sleep isn't too bad either. She is sleeping in our bed because she isn't sleeping long in her cradle but we will get there.

I feel good too, she has a doctors appointment next Tuesday and I have one the week after. I weighed her on the scale with me and I think she is around ten, which would make her close to her birthweight. I have been having an issue with my carpel tunnel on my left hand, I noticed it hurts the way she is positioned on my arm. My incision seems good, my stomach is getting better too. It bothers me more at night getting out of bed a bunch.

I also am going to write her birth story and upload pics soon. I just today read all the comments on facebook about her birth. Its crazy.

Here's to another good day, cheers!
(With wine!)

Sleep sheep

Today was a good day for both her and I. She ate and slept all day and I didn't fight it. She slept in my arms most of the day and nothing around the house got done but it was a good day.

Breastfeeding has become easier too, it took a lot longer than expected but I was really committed. I wanted something to turn out like I had hoped for.

She definitely is becoming a little person, she is awake more and has a filled tummy which makes for not such an unhappy baby.

I also find that the only time I have to get online and look up anything is when she is sleeping at night, but hopefully tomorrow I can get her down for a nap in the swing. I read an article about tricks to get them to sleep. We will see!

For now its four monkeys in the bed, daddy, mommy, baby and the sleep sheep.