FRIDAY!

Woo! Today is Friday, I am totally ready to not be working anymore. I am still tired and sluggish, nauseous and my don't want to eat anything. I am very anxiously awaiting Tuesday. I am still not letting myself get excited, for right now its just "there" to the best of our knowledge. I have not had any adverse symptoms which is good. Just getting ready to head out for the day, big party tomorrow and then back to work on Monday.

Eek. Its getting close. I hope everything is okay.

I thought I left you years ago!

I woke up this morning and thought for sure it was Saturday, I don't know why I guess I just really wanted it to be Saturday. I am beyond exhausted, I went to bed at 9:30 last night and woke up late close to 8. That's a lot of sleep but still not enough apparently. I am just so tired. Our big party is Saturday and I have so much cleaning to do but all I want to do when I get home is put on comfy clothes and lay down.

I also am reverting back to age 13 where my face is turning its back on me. The pimples are insane and they are back full force. They aren't even the small ones they are the ones you can see from the corner of your eyes and are painful! What the hell, I thought I left this years ago!

Awesome!

Acupuncture = Crazy Shiz

Wow, so I had my first acupuncture appointment yesterday morning. It was quite intense, the doctor was very nice and it was so different. We sat down for a few minutes before the treatment so we could talk about everything. She asked all types of questions about how I live and then asked me to stick out my tongue. Of course I did and she goes "Oh Yea, you have a pale tongue. Just as I thought you have cold insides." In order to make this baby nice and warm my insides have to be warm so my directives, to drink and eat nothing cold. Everything must be warm, including my water.

The needles in my right wrist and my ears were the most sensational. My ears tingled as soon as she put them in, she laughed and said they would calm down in a minute. My wrist though kind of hurt but I could feel swirls of energy moving all inside my body, it was like someone was playing with my blood. SO CRAZY.

So here I sit with a sweater on and drinking luke warm water so my insides will warm up and hopefully this baby will stick around.

I did have another weird dream last night about bugs and my friend Andrea. Maybe it was cause I slept in her bed last night, I went over to help her pack up and the drive is an hour home and then I drive an hour to work so it was easier just to stay.

6 days until our ultrasound. I am still trying to just not think about it. I hope so badly that everything looks okay and is progressing nicely.

4 days till we hit our 8 week milestone. This will be the longest we have ever held a baby before, so before I get all excited I am just keeping this in the back of my head.

Dreams and Blueberries

So I had some crazy dreams last night, one was that I was bleeding and we took another test that came out negative. Awesome. This is what I read online about this type of dream: Dreams of miscarriage are symbolic of anxiety and fear.

Hmm, do you think I could be a little fearful and anxious. I have been so cautious with this pregnancy. I have to be though, its not like I can forget what happened.

Well I am still really tired and not eating much. It all smells like dog poop. Acupunturist tomorrow, which I am really excited about.


Our jelly bean is as big as this:

Happy Easter!

So today is easter, I feel like crap. Very nauseous and just sick overall, we saw most of dans family today which was nice but I was in no mood to eat. Everyone is excited and very reserved which I understand. I don't believe it yet either, I hope I start to feel that excitement soon. I am sure if the ultrasound goes well I will really believe that we are pregnant. I just don't want to get my heart broken again.

I got home from Easter by myself and on tv there was the dance national championships, of course I would watch that. I turn it on to the Gavin degraw song, Belief, which i love and it s this amazing performance with girls in pretty pink costumes with feathers and they were so dedicated to it. The song jute put me over the edge, the lyrics are exactly what I needed to hear.

Belief, makes things real.
Makes things feel, feel alright.
Belief, makes things true.
Things like you, you and I.

I really want this one

I said this last time and it hasn't really changed, I just watched the new season of 16 and pregnant and cried my eyes out. I really want this baby, I want to be full term, I want to see our baby. I am trying to not think about it too much, I don't want to get my hopes up again. We are just so ready, we are ready to be parents and expand our family.

One day at a time.

I am feeling good, still nauseous at times and tired. I will take it if I get to have our baby this time.

Tired but Feeling Good

So things are still good, I am tired but feeling good. No morning sickness, slight nausea but nothing major. I really just want to nap and I know this is how I felt the last few times so its nothing new. My skin is super oily and I slept well last night. Its touch and go with the sleep thing. I go to the acupuncturist next Tuesday and I am excited about that. I hope they call cause I can't remember which one I called. We have 16 more sleeps till our ultra sound which is great, I am still really hoping everything is okay. I have not seen any blood, nothing at all which is good, but I know it doesn't give me a heads up so I am just being patient.

We saw the majority of Dan's family last week and told them all what was going on. So we have lots of people praying for us. Just hoping that the next two weeks go quickly,this weekend is clean and prep for the party weekend. Next weekend is our cinco de mayo party and the weekend after that we are headed to NJ for Momo's communion. It is starting to pick up a bit since the weather is getting nice, well nice for everyone except for Rochester. It was snowing yesterday, thats right its still winter here, 30 degrees and all.

Hoping that these two weeks fly by!

The doctor said the word Fantastic

So our beta test came back and the doctor said it was fantastic, our first reading was 1200 and the second was 2538. That is more than double, which is great. I am still in shock a little, I think that is what this feels like. I kind of want to cry I can't believe it was good news. Not that I was thinking it was going to be bad, I was just preparing myself for anything, for all the options. This week went by quickly, I am feeling very good today. I really don't even feel pregnant, I am thirsty but that's the only symptom today.

Some days I feel like I have no one but there are times like today when I realize my support system is so wide. Throughout this whole process everyone has been so interested and really hoping and wishing and praying for us. Its nice to know when you feel like you are traveling down this ridiculous black hole there are lots of people who are still there waiting for you to come back up.

Ahh Adele, you say it so well....I can make you happy, make your dreams come true, go to the ends of the earth for you, to make you feel my love.

So Its a Positive

Geez What a year, I think I have had every emotion in the books. Its a huge step to take to know you want to start a family in the first place, and then have your heart shattered into a million pieces not once but twice. And here we are again with the third positive test in the last 12 months. We are currently 5 weeks and 4 days, we have been here before so its a hold your breath kind of excitement.

The doctor called and I received her message this morning about our test results, our HCG was 1200 progesterone 19 so that's so really good. I burst out in tears after hearing her voice mail. I have just programmed myself to not believe it, and this call was a reassurance that yes I really am again. This is so intense and I don't even have a baby yet.

Funny thing is I spent most of my birthday, two weeks ago today, a complete mess. I dressed up all pretty and was so emotional. Our first baby was due the day after my birthday and that's what I thought about all day, little did I know that the RAGING hormones had already taken over my body. We took a test Monday April 4th and there was a line, of course I did not really believe it, so we waited till Wednesday, took another one and the line was darker. Then we bought a digital test hours later and in about 30 seconds it read "pregnant" Oh boy... or girl.

We go to the doctor May 3rd and at that point we will be able to see our little "jelly bean" as Dan calls it.