She is just so exciting!

My mom has told me many times not to wish the days away. Now everyone knows what I am talking about, the 'I can't wait for' moments. I have been trying to make a conscious effort to not wish my days away but rather realize what I am feeling... excitement. I just look at her and get excited about the days to come and the fact that she is all ours. She is so amazing and I never knew it could be like this.

This is my fourth week back at work and things are starting to fall into place. We started weight watchers last week and we both killed it, I am down 2 and hubs is down 5. I also ran a whole bunch of errands this weekend, opened Addison's bank account and took Stella to the vet. It was interesting dealing with the dog and the baby and being by myself. Hubs had to work so it was just me against the errands and I think I handled it pretty well. I have also been formulating a strategy for creating a menu with points and grocery list. I have a few index cards that I have started with. Each one has a food group and either recipes or items that fall within that category. So far the past three weeks I have been making dinners and getting our grocery bill in check. I have a pretty good idea about budgeting for that and the baby.

Financially this is definitely an adjustment, just trying to figure it all out with all the new things we need to account for. So far everything is working out well. Its all still so new. I feel like we are doing a good job. Work has been good, it feels good to be back and have some sort of a schedule. As with any new schedule there are little kinks that need to get worked out, like coming home to a sleepy or sleeping baby, how dinner is going to make itself and how the cleaning is going to get done.

What this whole new experience is teaching me is that I need to get organized. Weight watchers also helps with the trying to organized thing because I have to get the food back on track and with that comes everything else. My meals are planned for the week, the grocery lists are made and the fridge is stocked. The chore list is hung and the items I need to make sure I have in the morning are written on a post-it on the fridge. I am taking control and I feel in control which is nice too. I bought a few organizational tools on Amazon this weekend for the baby. Right now we don't have a good way to store the cloth diapers, I bought an over the door organizer used on ebay that I am hoping I can hang from the side of the changing table. I also bought an antibacterial pail liner for her dirty diapers and some toys for the high chair. I also got two new cloth diapers and a bin for bottle parts for the dishwasher. Lots of things I have come to find out I could use. Just amazing how much stuff this little tiny person has.

But here is to the last week of February and the beginning of my birthday month! I wonder what my daughter will buy me :) This is all so exciting and I love my little family.

My babys growing

It has been so apparent the last few weeks that Ms. Addison is really growing. Her checks have filled out and developmentally she is so alert. Her little hands are open more, her little thumbs are still tucked in but she definitely has had a few grabs of my hair. When she is in her crib watching the mobile in the mornings her legs are kicking all around. Vocally she coo's and her smiles have started to be a lot bigger and its apparent she smiles when we are around. Its amazing to watch her learn.


When I look at her she is growing up so quickly, its hard to not want to world to stop just so I can hug her some more. I do try to really cherish my moments with her. But as the hubby so nicely stated the other night, 'Parenting is hard.' Yes, I can most definitely agree with that. I have never been so many days without a shower in my life and when I do get one I always seem to forget something i.e. shaving a leg. But I will take my one stubbly leg for another baby smile. I feel like we are at the pinnacle of the roller coaster and I can feel my stomach about to drop. She is no longer a newborn she is turning into a baby who smiles and shows emotion. Its the most amazing thing I have ever done. Knowing we are responsible for her well being, it drives me to be better. She is such a motivation and she doesn't even know it yet. I am so very excited for the years to come and the moments right now.


The first month was really hard, figuring out the feeding and sleeping and overall adjustment. But these last four weeks have been so rewarding.

I have been working to establish a routine and although I cannot predict her daily napping and eating schedule she goes down to sleep fairly easy these days. I have also been prety good about the house schedule, well good to a standard of having a two month old. Its still messy in some places but I am getting here. I just recently cleaned out the spice drawer and the tupperware drawer. I am de-cluttering and keeping what I need, everything is going!

As for the weekend, it was a big one in this household and one that probably won't happen again for quite some time. Saturday morning we were up early and headed to Weight watchers, I am SO ready to get back to being me. After that we went to breakfast where we made good choices and then we went to Raymour and ordered our couch. Its one of those things thats been in and out of our 'cart' and we never pulled the plug. We really needed it too, the one we have had for years has served us really well, been moved three maybe four times and we got our monies worth. But its broken, the back has no support and its impossible to clean. There are water rings all over it, its a PAIN. So we bought a new one!!! YEA! Its a special order and should be here in 6-8 weeks, hopefully sooner. From there we went to Best buy and bought a new TV. Living Room make-over anyone! We only have had one tv in the house so that means the old one is going in our bedroom. That excites me because feeding my baby girl in the middle of the night gets boring by myself. Needless to say we spent a bunch this weekend and it will be sometime before we do it again.

But boy and I excited for a new couch! YIPPEE.

Post Partum Body

Of all the things you read about pregnancy, I don't know how much people talk about the after. Or at least I haven't been on the look out for it. The first few weeks after her birth I could not believe my body. I have been amazed by it the whole time, its simply amazing. It still is amazing its just so different. My stomach was deflated and my skin was red with stretchmarks and towards the end I got so big my skin started stretching left to right.

Two months later my stomach has gone down further, its very soft and the stretchmarks are softening but still quite noticeable. My whole life I haven't been the kindest to myself about body image and this makes it hard for me to think and feel good. I felt the most beautiful when I had the biggest belly circumference, and now I don't feel pretty at all. My hair has been so thick and it starting to fall out. I just noticed a few days ago more and more strands were coming out.

My hubs has been wonderful, not in any way making me not feel beautiful. I do it all myself. I just have a significantly different body than I ever have. Its not just weight gain or a slow progressive change at that. This is one day you have a rock hard belly that's really kind of cute to an over-deflated balloon tummy and skin that hangs.

 A girl friend of mine was saying that I just have to remember its still me and that I can look like I did before the whole 'trying to have a baby' game started. The hubs and I are starting weight watchers on Saturday and to be honest I am really excited. I can use some accountability and want to feel pretty again. I am still in maternity clothes, partially because I am afraid to try pants with a button just yet, but I am ready to be healthy and be the best me.

I also have to remember that I just had a baby two months ago and to not be so hard on myself. My body is amazing and I just made a baby. 

Joining the Mommyhood & of course Pics!

I have been writing this post in my head for the last week and I am really hoping to get it down as eloquently as I have thought it up... here goes nothing.

In college I joined the sisterhood and now I join the motherhood. My sorority in college connected me to some amazing women who will be lifelong friends. Little did I know that conceiving, birthing and loving my baby would result in another wondrous 'sorority', Motherhood. I am not sure that it would be so apparent to those not enveloped in past sorority life but its so similar. I love my baby, I love walking around with her strapped to my chest, I love looking at her in the mirror instead of myself and I surely love when people comment on her. It is so different passing other women holding their children now, there is a nod, a smile. I can see their hearts quickly jump back to the time when their babies were babies. 

To be a Mom is quite the feat. Similar to college life, my planner is filling up and I am on the go. Except this 'hood is revolving around one little life. Those late night rush meetings have turned into late night feedings, house meetings with 30 girls are now house meetings at the dinner table with my family of three. I have felt for sometime now that I have lacked focus on myself and my life. For so long I was consumed with making a baby and now that we have been so wonderfully blessed with Addison, I feel like I have a purpose. I have a focus and a reason to be the best.

My resolution this year has just been to be the best. Looking at her makes me want to really try. Going back to work has been great, I feel accomplished and needed but its also really tiring. Thats when I have to push myself to use every ounce of energy I have to finish the night. We use cloth diapers and have enough for a few days so I cannot slack washing them, some nights I just don't want to but I know to be my absolute best I have to.

Addison Mary is two months old and has changed my life in so many ways. I wear my heart outside of my body. I want to work hard to give her the very best. I find joy in researching pacifier clips and cloth diapering. My baby girl smiles at me and that gives me the extra jolt I need when I am feeling like I just have nothing left to give.

I have yet to take all her 2 month pictures but I couldn't pass up documenting her first shots. She was such a champ though, we made it through together. She comforted me as much as I did her, but she sure knows who her mommy is, she snuggled right up to me afterwards.

Ok Crazy Photo Dump! You Ready!!

My baby with her first shot band-aids. She took them like a champ. 

Amazing how tiny she looks. 

My little fighter. 

One of the best parts is watching her learn. 

The two people I love most. 

So happy to be 2 months old! Love that these are starting to be what I wake up to every morning. 

People were asking about her room so here it is: View from the hall. 

My chair. Swoon. 

Making snow angels. 

First time in the snow! Not sure if she enjoyed it but she looks cute!

 

Back to work

So this week was a big week, back to work. New schedule to attend to and things to try to get done. I would say so far so good. Today was much easier to drop her off after having a day with her at home. I focused last night on doing the chores for the evening, Thursdays are the upstairs bathroom. I was on my hands and knees cleaning the tub and vacuuming and dishes till 10 then hubs and I watched Greys. Before we used to be in bed by ten and we go to bed now around 11 which isn't bad.

We have been lucky so far, little miss Addison has started a little routine which is wonderful. Around 7 or 8 pm she starts to fuss. I nurse her and if she is still hungry she gets a little formula. After that its diaper, pjs, lotion and swaddle. Unless there is a bath needed beforehand. Once she is ready we rock while I nurse her and read her a story. 15 minutes later even if she isn't all the way asleep she goes in her swing and she is good till 12ish. Hubs and I will head to bed around 11 and he gets her when she cries and brings her to bed with us. Then she is close to do the 3am feeding and then we are up at 6 for the day. So far so good. She wakes up really happy and content. Its so nice to have a happy baby to wake up to.

She is changing every day and its so amazing. Her little hands have started to open up and she is grasping at so much more. Her eyes are staring so intently on everything, you can see her learning. I am so lucky to be able to spend time with her during the days when I work from home. I feel like I am not missing so much of her life.

I am still breastfeeding her as much as I can and I have been trying to produce more milk as best as I can. I have been drinking water (even though I can probably drink more) I have started taking fenegreek which I believe last night made me so THIRSTY I drank 48 ounces in a half hour and I wanted more. So far it has not made me pump more but its only been the first day. I also have been drinking mothers milk tea, so we will see. I have hoped to nurse for 12 months and I still hope to do that, its just discouraging some days when all day all I pump is 3 ounces. But I will keep trying, I was reading online about cluster pumping and just being with your baby for a day and pumping and feeding all day to try to increase your supply. Maybe I will try that sometime. But for now its been a few hours since I last pumped so I must go do that.

Four hours till I see my little munchkin, who will be two months next week!

Wishing for days like today

I hung up a picture to remember my wishes. This picture is to remind me of all the ways and days that we wished for her. We wished for her in Beaver Falls with a wish rock we picked up on the cruise to Nova Scotia. We wished for her there on the beach when we were mourning from our first miscarriage. We wished for her safe delivery into the world with our friends camping.

I want to remember my emotions, the awe I feel from the bottom of my gut that we made her. That I carried around a baby in my belly. The love that I feel when I look at her nursing at night time. Her little hands and tiny nose. Pure amazement.

I want to remember the days like today. My first day away from my daughter. I cried, I was so sad. I was leaving my baby. I want to remember missing her, coming home and giving kisses and smelling her.

I had a great day at work, I felt so welcomed and appreciated, and I came home to my husband who had a bouquet of flowers sitting on the counter, holding our baby cooking the mac and cheese I set out for dinner the night before. I want to remember the feeling of accomplishment at the end of this day. I am staring at my baby on the monitor, cuddling with my husband with the laundry going.

I have been wishing for days like today. I can't wait for tomorrow.