All the happenings...

I feel like I come back to writing on here and I look back and think about all the things we havea going on. EVERY TIME. See I get it, life is full and wonderful it just goes at the speed of light. 

We have been living in Georgia for six months now. Even that seems like it went by quickly. We have done a lot to get the house to a good place but as any homeowner knows the list is never done. Even yesterday we received an email about replacing some siding that was noticed by the gutter people. No big deal just $1000-$5000 dollars later. So right now we have good intentions of fixing it. 

The end of 2014 I had to get a new car and about one month after driving it we noticed it was not working just right so looong story short we went the month of January without it. No big deal I was on house arrest with the kids and we went out on the weekends and some weeknights when I just felt like I was being suffocated. 

That brings us to February where we had a really nice Valentines Day. (Saw some snow flurries!) Addison is very fun at this age understanding and remembering holidays and events. We watched a movie and she got a new dress up outfit and a doctor kit. She has been really great at listening to our hearts and giving shots. Maybe there is a little doctor among us?! 

Saturday I received an overnighted package of medications for the surrogacy process. Mind you I have not been given instructions and one piece of feedback I would give is that the communication for this process is somewhat lacking. I never seem to know whats around the corner and it very much is a hurry and wait situation. In this package there were 80 needles. The first one I looked at looked fine but then I noticed an 18 guage, bigger needle and started to fret. I have joined some groups on Facebook for other surrogates and I am getting quite the education. I learned the larger ones are not for my backside, which made me happy. I have to go get bloodwork taken this morning and hope to hear from the agency shortly so I can get in the car and hop over there. Then again on Friday and once more next week. They are testing the hormones in my blood and will instruct me per the results on what medications I am to take next. We did finish the contracts last week, they so far are my least favorite part of this journey but I have yet to stab my butt with a needle, so we will see. 

Weare heading up to Rochester in about two weeks. I am looking forward to it. My heart really misses some people and I just want to hug them. We will also be throwing a party for Jackson to celebrate his first birthday with all of our friends and family. It will be a month early but as you know babies change SO quickly and its been months since everyone has seen him. It will be a car theme and I have some things up my sleeve but it will be the day after we arrive so I cannot go too crazy. Poor second baby. 

Jackson is such a love though, he has two bottom teeth and his top two are just making an apperance. He also has been sleeping through the night until about 6am for the last three weeks. It is really nice to get a fill nights sleep, especially when I do not mind doing to bed at ten or prior. 

This week is going to be a busy one, doctor today and Friday, story time tomorrow and Jackson has a magazine photo shoot on wednesday. Did you see how I snuck that in?! Make sure to check my instagtram this week for more info. 

I am going to be a gestational surrogate

My life is very much a spiritual one. I am constantly reminded almost daily that there are forces beyond my control. Within my life there are paths that I have chosen which have taught me so much about myself and others. Currently I am heading down the path of becoming a gestational surrogate. In short I am going to carry a baby for another couple, I will have no biological ties to this baby but rather have the honor and privilege of creating a family and bringing a new soul into the world.

I am sure you are all interested in the process so I will do my best to explain what we have done thus far. In the summer of 2014 after we had decided we were moving to Georgia I started looking for career opportunities and noticed there was an abundance of people actively searching for surrogates. I was about three months post partum and started to discuss this possibility with Daniel. We sat on it for a few weeks bringing it up now and then, really trying to think about how it would effect our lives and we were still very positive about it. I completed the initial questionnaire and it has been a pretty fast paced journey since then. We have had to have many conversations with the agency, we have had to have the tough conversations about what to do if something went wrong with the baby(s). We were in the midst of moving so we knew it would be something we had to wait a little bit for but that we could do the preliminary stuff beforehand.

Shortly after moving here we had our home visit. Our case worker through the agency came to our home and we talked, she saw where we lived and met our children. At that point Jackson was not yet 6 months old. The agencies policy is that you have to be six months post partum to even begin to put your body through the process. After having the home visit and the agency speaking to our references, we were matched. The agency had a couple in mind for us and after the couple received our family information we received theirs and next was a Skype call. The call went really well, I was nervous to meet them and was hoping we would click and I believe we did!  From my research being matched with someone or a couple is one of the bigger decisions in this process because you are going to travel this bumpy road with them and will have a connection for your life.

Currently we are in the contracts phase. I should be hearing from the lawyers shortly and then I will meet with a lawyer in our area. From there I will begin taking medications to get my body ready for the IVF. As much as this is physical it is also business.

This is a decision that effects the whole family and from the very beginning everyone puts heavy emphasis on your support system. I am so blessed to have a very strong support system. I know that for many of you this is the first you have heard about this and I am sure you will have questions along the way. At the end of the day I am able to give the gift of life. For that I am so very thankful. I look forward to sharing this journey with you as well.

You get ten minutes, go fast.

You know I think about things to write about, often, but the times that I have to sit uninterrupted are so short even after bedtime. Really because bedtime is when we all go down, ha! We are halfway through January and today my baby is 9 months old! I blinked and it happened. We had his checkup today and he is tall and a little thinner with a nice big brain. He is just such a love, I seriously must kiss him a thousand times a day. He is starting to get into a routine for the most part. 

I have been looking into preschool for Ms. Addie. She is just so ready. She talks about school all the time and when the bus comes at 7:45 each morning (if she is awake) she talks about getting on it or the type of backpack and lunch sack she will have. So its time. I am supposed to go look at one tomorrow but I may have to reschedule. 

Things are going well, ya know there is the same crappy life things that come and stress up your day but we are all good. Healthy, happy and starting the year off well. Addison and Jackson are playing more and more and it is SO adorable. She gets him to laugh and blows raspberrys on his belly. I love them. a lot. 

Speaking of love, I am loving this southern winter. It is definitely colder so I get the season which is nice. I also am able to go outside and I don't freeze my butt off. The lack of snow is cool too. For now I don't miss it. 

Well that concludes my ten minutes of random thoughts and eating cottage cheese with veggie chips because a small boy is now screaming. Great. 

So there you have it, Addison is three with sass for days, Jackson is 9 months and Dan and I are doing well. 

oh yea, happy new year. 

Addies Third Birthday - Day

I have found a quiet minute where I can't do much else so I feel like its a great time to get some thoughts out. This poor little blog space, I swear I will give it some more attention. 

We pick up my new used car on Thursday when I am back in town. My head seriously is spinning. This past week was bananas. I mean it seems like every week is crazy cray. I now realize why people retire, if I am doing this #*^% for years and year and years I am going to need a few years of sitting. 

Last week was Addies third birthday, I tried to post a bunch of pictures on Instagram and facebook to keep everyone in the loop. We had an amazing day, it was one of the best. I always knew birthdays were special and even when Daniel and I were dating I would make a big deal of both of our birthdays but having given birth it takes on a whole new meaning. I can so easily be brought back to the day, the minute she was brought into the world. I know all the details, they are engrained in my mind. 

We asked Addie what she wanted for her birthday and her response for weeks was that she just wanted pink cupcakes. Uh sure. I am not pushing the issue because I know in a few short years it will be a laundry list of items so for now I am embracing her simple requests. There were a few things up our sleeves for her day, most importantly was her My Little Pony quilt we were making. It had taken Dan about ten days to sew the front and a handful of days afterwards for the two of us to tie the blanket squares. All in all its a great blanket and she loves it. It is very heavy so she can't throw it around like her smaller ones but now she has a big kid blanket. The ponies she can rattle off their names are surrounded by pink glitter fabric. I look forward to her loving on this blanket for years and years. We decided to give her a few presents spread througout the day and it was wonderful. I want to do that every year. Daniel took the day off of work and we snuggled on the couch under her new blanket and watched Up. It is such a cute movie but gosh darn I forgot about the first ten minutes. Cry fest much. After the movie wrapped up she opened another gift, her My Little Pony shoes, those were a big hit too. Girl loves those ponies. Then we went bowling. She really liked it once she got the hang of it. Daniel and I were close but he ended up winning, he told me I was cheating because of the bumpers. Just wish I could have used those bumpers for another few pins and I would have been the winner. 

After bowling we came home to make cupcakes in ice cream cones and had a pasta dinner. It was just a great day one for the record books. I loved celebrating her, I have loved having a day all about her since the day she entered our life. 

Right before bed we let her open her last present for the day and she got some new Doc McStuffins jammies. If we could buy her the world we would. Needless to say after a very eventful day she cozied up under her balnket and fell asleep. 

I tell her all the time to stop growing and she tells me how smart she is and how she has to keep growing. This little girl of mine is so freaking amazing. She grows and learns daily. I am SO beyond thankful that I have these days with her. She will be starting preschool next year and then my time with her will be less and less. Right now its just the three of us and I love it. It is worth more than any amount of money. 

Looking forward

Christmas is in like days. DAYS away, but it just doesn't feel like it here. Tongiht Daniel spoiled us by cooking his family dinner. I try to keep it light on the weekends, mainly becuase I am sick of cooking. Although we are trying to eat out less which means cooking on the weekend too. 

I am still getting my Plan to Eat (P2E) all situated, I was really good about meal planning before Jackson came and now I am getting back into it. I started restocking our fridge/freezer since the middle of October and had to figure out a new system of groceries and planning. I waited until the Black Friday sale for P2E and now am getting all my stuff together. 

There has been a lot of getting back into the swing of things so having Christmas just kinda snuck up on us. Now we are ready, pretty much Addie is just getting a nice Christmas. We have just been getting stuff we needed for the last three months. I am not as excited about it as last year but last year everything was normal and she was my only little baby. I think Christmas Eve I will start to feel it but as for today, I am just gearing up for anoher Monday. At least story time is coming back, Addie needs to get out!  

I am very much looking forward to 2015, this is where I feel the excitement. This year has just been so heavy. Thats really the only word that comes to mind. There have just been so many things on our shoulders, just so many. Granted not all of them have been bad things, some very VERY good, but just a large amount of things. I remember feeling like I got my stuff together when Addie turned 8 months and now watching Jackson hit the same milestone I have some stuff together, and its just different stuff. 

So this week will be Elfis' last days, we will make sure to feed the reindeer and pick up some cookies for Santa. I am looking forward to doing more stuff for the house and enjoying some family time. Then we ring in a NEW Year, closing out our year of New things and moving onto a year. We have some events coming up as life is constant but it should be a little slower. Phew. 

Addie just turned three and I wrote a post about it, I will publish it after this one. Jackson is 8 months old and we found his first tooth today! 

And Christmas is Thursday. 

Merry Christmas!!! 

year in retrospect :.2014.:

year in retrospect

I think this year has taught me a lot, more than I could have ever imagined. There have been situations that were quite literally life changing. I was putting together our Christmas cards and wrote a synapses of the year. I used up almost the whole space. It is overwhelming. It is that feeling you have right when the rollercoaster peaks and your about to roll forward. This feeling has shown up more times this year than probably ever before. Addie turns three in one week. I have a three year old little girl. She is absolutely amazing. The rate in which she learns and the funny things she says. The way that I can see her do what I have taught her, it is a wondrous thing. She comments on the beautiful days and sings the ABCs to her brother when he cries.

When thinking about the year I just get this feeling of being blessed. That is the best word to use as it describes so many things. Our home is new and beautiful because of the hard work we do and the choices we have made. In those two aspects of life I am so pleased to have gotten to this point. I have learned to be humble and remember that I have to have today as I am not promised tomorrow. The latter of the two has been a concept that was harshly brought into my life years ago, it is something I have held close to my heart since then. Bringing life into the world of my own flesh and blood has made this a part of my everyday life. I am teaching my children to cheer for one another, to love deeply and be so thankful for everything. I am exceptionally proud of that.

This year has also solidified my marriage in a way I could have never known. We are stronger, we are a constant work in progress together, growing in the same direction. Our relationship has attributed to the humility. I am so fortunate to have a life partner who respects me as much as I him. A majority of my adult relationships were tried this year. I feel like adding a baby gives you a slight pass to be absent but with that addition came one thousand miles.  One valuable nugget of information has been that things work out as they should. The people who come into your life, there is a lesson to be learned, a reason behind it all. At times it may not be for you but rather for you to pass the lesson to them. If you make good choices you will lead your life down a road that leads to other good things.

The most magnificent piece of it all has been my faith. My ability to trust and believe. Let me tell you it is not easy. It is a challenge, not a struggle but a challenge . I look back and all the signs that pointed in one direction, in the gut feelings, the things that went my way and didn't. Most days I am in the happiest place of my life. There are many days that my faith is challenged, it is then that I look for my pillars of support. My friends, family, children - the things that make me most happy.

As we enter the final month of 2014, I reflect at how different my life is from a year ago. I am thankful for it all. The peaks and valleys, the highlights and dark moments.

My hope for 2015 is to continue to work on faith, believing in myself and my family, trusting that everything works as it should and bringing the best of myself everyday. It may not be the best in all things but the best in something.

Week of Thanks

When I look back at this year I am in awe of all of the changes that have taken place. There have been highs and lows but in the end I could not feel anymore blessed and lucky. Having a newborn shakes up your life so much as it is, moving to a different state while having a new one is just unthinkable. Then Daddy breaks his leg, one more change. Life has given us so many twists and turns. This month is all about being thankful. Thanksgiving is one week away. It will be different for us than any other year. We will not be spending this holiday in Maine. I have dubbed this year our humble thanksgiving. There will be four people around our table not forty. A piece of me is sad that my family has not yet met Jackson but I am pretty sure we will video chat with everyone there at some point. It really is just mind blowing when you think about the things you don't know. I didn't know we would live in Georgia, I didn't know Jackson was a boy, but in the blink of an eye my life changed.

Jackson is seven months old now, it really just went from born to now. He is so amazing. His little face and his laugh, ohhh I could listen to it all day long. I snuggle and cuddle that boy at every chance. There is a different love between a boy and a girl as well as the first and the second. I know whats coming and I know that it changes overnight. They sleep and they grow. You notice subtle changes everyday, things they couldn't do yesterday. We started telling Addie that she couldn't eat anymore so she wouldn't grow. She thinks its so funny and stands on her tippy toes growing in front of us. Little Miss is turning three in a few weeks. My buddy, my first baby. We have conversations now. She tells me her preferences and loves to watch Netflix. She talks about Wifi and her imagination is out of control! Everything is a jungle or mountain. Halloween was such a fun night for us, she knew to ask for candy and she even helped us hand it out. I feel so lucky to see my babies grow and change each day. I am trying very hard to cherish these moments, I know they are fleeting.

The house is coming along, there are still areas we need to furnish but that will come with time. We are just getting used to how things work, there are still light switches I am not sure what they do. I just found a chiropractor that I am going to see tomorrow. Its just so crazy that our whole life was shook up, I have to find all new doctors for four people. I just need days to be longer and for me to need less sleep.

At the end of the day I count my blessings. I have found that I have been so thankful for everything more now then ever before. We are so blessed. I cannot say it enough. We are healthy and happy and loved.

There was a little gem in our thanksgiving tote from last year and it reads - Give more than you take. I am trying everyday to give thanks, to give more of myself to others as well as me and I am looking forward to many more adventures with my husband, daughter and son.